quarter life?

I haven’t been myself as of late.

I’ve become empty / desperate / emotional / weird / worried / unstable / reflective / etc…  I don’t really know why…but im blaming quarter-life crisis for this.

I hate this.

sharing

Last vacation time gave me lots of reasons to question lots of things. My dad’s efforts at supporting our family and how dependent we should be of God. 

It started out because I was really worried about how to help finance my sister’s education. No question I would do this, but then, I was also worried on how this would impact plans to setup small businesses. See, by the time my sister will be done with college, I’d be 29 or 30. This, for me, is my ideal marrying age. I’d really like to have businesses set-up for my future family’s security.

All this worries brought me to a point wherein I was slowly losing faith.

See.. I’m a do-er. I don’t really ask others to do things for me. I believe in going after things rather than waiting for things. I believe that the only one who you can really count on is yourself. Others will help, but you can’t really depend on them. If anything goes wrong, I usually blame myself for not being better prepared. Most of all, I hate it when people just sit around and say "God will provide"  without putting in the effort. When I pray, I rarely ask. It’s mostly just to say "thanks". I don’t really count on God to pull me out of each mess I get into. 

I shared this with my Mom. I thought she would understand since I got my workaholic attitude from her anyway. She agreed with the working-hard-for-everything part. She disagreed with me not asking God for help. She also showed me why.

1.  No one EVER thought my brother and I would come to Manila for college. The costs (tuition + living expenses) alone would be too much for my family to bear. Two relatives offered to sponsor all of our expenses. Now my sister is on her way to manila as well.

2.  We almost always won sub prizes in lotteries when the family was really short on cash. (We’ve sold 2 lotto jackpot tickets. Agents get a prize as well.)

3.  We live in a house built by an uncle who lives in the states. That’s free rent, food, & bills for us.

4.  We all turned out all right even though we’ve never had any stable form of income for the past 17 years.

I’ve had nothing to do with any of these things, yet, I wasn’t convinced. I mean.. those things are good, but it won’t help us finance for Nile’s college education here in Manila. 

The other night, we found a very ideal location for (hopefully) laundry shop 2. Yesterday afternoon, I was informed that we would be getting a bonus.  

I’ve had absolutely nothing to do to get these things.  

Luck? Coincidence? Maybe.

God is good? Yeah!

 Oh yeah..if you’ve noticed that problems here are focused on the financial kind, well…let’s just say those are my biggest concerns right now.

.

here comes the sun… too doo doooo dooo… 

=) 

tsk tsk tsk

see for yourself.

…and I thought being on the cover of Vogue would always be a good thing.

This just sucks bigtime.

see where I got this from:

http://eteraz.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/king-james-turned-into-king-kong/

http://www.sportaphile.com/2008/03/14/lebron-on-vogue-king-james-or-king-kong/

the 440

thursday — 4hrs sleep: thanks to gossip from G and getting up early for work.

friday — 4hrs give or take a few more for sleep: thanks to working late and getting up early, again, for work.

saturday — 0hrs: After friday  work, I headed straight to Ortigas for Vince, Marlon, & Grace’s birthday party. Ely picked me up and we went to Eastwood to meet JL after that. It was really nice to see the Moled One after quite some time. Got home at 3am, packed and headed for the airport at 4-plus. When I got home, I had breakfast, played around with my little brother, then headed for the KG Builders game. Had lunch w/ Fritz, went around the city and headed home when I finally got some sleep.

there goes the story of the 4-4-0 =P

canned salmon is the worst!

Lately, I’ve been on a roll when it comes to cooking. I got Siomai w/ chili garlic paste and Adobo (special recipe) right last Sunday. This came after a few failed tries of course. I’ve also been frequenting the marketplace a lot lately. 

I just couldn’t stop cooking. 6am or 12 midnight…it doesn’t really matter when.. I don’t know why, but it’s just sort of going on for some time now.

Last night, I came home late from badminton w/ Eb2 folks. (where I learned a new and effective way of holding the racket thanks to Joie). When I got home, guess what? Yeah…I started cooking. Chopped up some tomatos, garlic, onions, mushrooms, etc… and opened a can of pink salmon labeled "premimum"… Yeah right. Not only was the salmon dry and breaking down, it didn’t taste good at all. Might as well have opened a can of tuna. 

Lesson learned: stick to the fresh salmon. if you want to go canned..go for tuna.  Seeesh. There goes the pasta sauce =(

Oh yeah.. cooking wasn’t done. I used the extra tomatos and prepared breakfast for my roommate. Sleep came at about 1:30am. This morning at 5:30 am, I got up and started cooking again….

Woah.. this is addicting!

why should it be different?

This just popped into my head all of a sudden a few minutes ago… 

You can’t play ball without ever getting hit. You can’t cook without getting burned. You can’t ride a bike if you don’t learn how to fall first.

So why should love be so different?